Because I have never been one to confront people, I can’t really recall the last actual argument I had. It was probably with Quyen or Amy over something trivial.
My last “confrontation” of sorts though, was after I got the job at Paragon, and my brother said I wasn’t getting paid enough as a UCLA graduate. I didn’t say anything. What could I say? How am I supposed to explain that it was a miracle in itself that I even got the job because no one else is going to hire someone with no out-of-the-classroom experience, UCLA graduate or not?
That wasn’t pleasant.
I know I am capable of so much more. I wish I had applied myself more. I wish I would have taken classes seriously from the start. If I could do it all over again, things would be so different. I honestly believe that if I had really, truly put my mind to it, from the very start, I could’ve graduate with those gold tassles pinned to my shoulder – with honors.
Since I have such a bad memory and I rarely hold on to things (figuratively), I can’t quickly recall any majorly embarrassing or socially awkward moments.
The only thing that comes to mind right now is when I’m at work and one of the other analysts will talk to me about certain chemical procedures. It is well established that I am far from an expert in practically all things chemistry, so when this happens, I never know what to say. I just stand there and nod my head, giving a few interjections here and there.
Though these aren’t necessarily embarrassing or socially awkward situations, I do feel awkward when this happens. I wish I knew more so I could at least respond with intellectual comments.
Someone’s status/someone in general on Facebook that makes you cringe:
Karma’s a b*tch.
Because there’s someone that I like who I [at one point] thought may have possibly felt the same way. But now, I doubt.
So, if only for one day, I’d like to be a girlfriend. To know what it feels like to be loved and adored like that…
This is not tumblr. I am not famous, in any way, nor do I want to be. I would never be blog famous because I’m a very private person. I don’t write things interesting enough for people – strangers – to want to follow me.
I think today’s challenge was to copy/paste an old post.
Initially, I was going to repost something of mine, but I’ve changed my mind. Instead, here is something from Life After College.
I think we should take a break.
I find myself bumping into you in all the wrong places. I know people and books say you are everywhere, but for some reason I keep wanting what I can’t have. And I don’t want that.
It’s not you, it’s me. I just want to relax and appreciate the fact that I am single and have the freedom to do whatever I’d like. I’m tired of wondering why I am not in a relationship and wishing things were different, but then getting scared when I think they might be. Please just let me love my friends and my family and my dog and puppies and the sky cam…and let that be enough. Enough.
I’m also tired of people troubleshooting, advising and analyzing me (I’m as guilty of this as anyone). Single is not a disease that needs to be cured.It is not a problem that needs to be fixed.
I’ve read book after book after book after book on dating and relationships, and they are driving me crazy. It’s like self-analysis and dating experts are competing to see who can drive me insane first.
While I appreciate the wisdom behind it all, I am tired of the endless stream of paradoxical clichés:
- You will find someone when least expect it or when you aren’t looking / You have to be proactive and put yourself out there
- You have to appear available / Don’t come across as desperate
- You have to get clear on what you want / Maybe you shouldn’t be so picky
- You have to look inward, fix your issues, and love yourself completely / Nobody is perfect. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
- You’re too busy; you have to make room in your life / Get out there and do activities you enjoy, pursue things you are passionate about
- And on….and on….and on.
So with all due respect Love, I would love if you could just give me some space. Let me enjoy my time alone without looking for you.
Here’s to being single & fabulous & perfectly lonely,